March 9, 2009

Took this video yesterday



Not too much to report. Same cute cuddly babies doing cute fuzzy things...lol. The older ones are quite good at running around now. They have started nibbling on the food, so hopefully that will put less stress and calorie demand on Monkey.

Monkey is much more vocal, constantly calling to all the kittens from both litters. She frequently steals one or more of Keera's babies.

Keera growls alot when the kittens nurse. Not sure why. I'm thinking part of it might be because she has such long belly fur and the babies have such sharp nails. I have frequently found tufts of fur in the bathroom. I think the kittens might be ripping the fur out when they are struggling to find a nipple and scratching each other and momma Keera.


My heartbreak is that my poor Grandma is still lingering on waiting for the end to come. I'm surprised that her body is still supporting her. She has end stage Alzheimer's which means she isn't able to eat or drink much anymore. She forgets how to chew and swallow, then she starts to remember. It goes back and forth. Its very difficult to watch someone you knew as a strong person become so weak and helpless. Every night now when I tuck her into her bed I tell her that if she sees Jesus she should go with him. That she will be able to see her husband,her son, her grandson, and all her friends who already went to Heaven.

I have a booklet that the Hospice people gave me that teaches caregivers how to help the patient cope with the transition. Your suppose to say things like "Its ok to go now, you can let go...ect" Sometimes a person will hold on longer then they should because they feel like they can't go yet and that they need to linger longer to finish something but they can't remember what it is. They end up in a lot of physical discomfort and sometimes you want to look them in the eye and demand to know why they are doing this to themselves. But you have to remember, the disease is in control now and they are being carried along its path. Its a horrible horrible way to go. Parts of who they used to be is torn away: the strength, the humor, the love, the memories...those things help define who we are as individuals...when we lose those, we lose ourselves. And how much harder it must be in the early stages, to be fully aware that you are losing all the things that made you a unique person.

It is my greatest hope that someday soon someone will find a cure for this disease, that no more people will have to be so diminished from who they were. When the end finally comes for Grandma, I'll try to post something on here but I will probably not be able to post again for awhile.

My family has always had the whole stiff upper lip kind of mentality when it comes to mortality, but I have been caring for Grandma for years and have had her living here in my home for over a year...so I don't know how I'll react. I think a bit of relief that her pain is over, a bit of guilt because you always feel guilty...thinking you might have been able to do something more...even when you know you did everything. Probably feel a little relief that my vigil will have ended, and then more guilt because I shouldn't feel relief. All the books and pamphlets tell and teach you how to cope and what to expect, the range of emotions, ect...however, I think its something you can never really be fully prepared for no matter how much you think you are prepared.

2 comments:

  1. My first babies are now cats, as they celebrate their 1st Birthday today! My little ones are now 3 weeks old and starting to get around a lot better, just 1 more week and they'll be walking properly I guess and getting into stuff... ;) It's great that your kittens are doing so well too, they're sure to help you focus on new life and happiness at this difficult time. My Mummy's mother as cancer and she is finding the babies a big help for keeping her from crying a lot of the time and worrying more than necessary...

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  2. I am so very sorry for your grandma's struggle. You are such a woderful loving person to take care of her. The fact that with all you're going through, you took the time to come to my blog & try to make me feel better will attest to that.
    I have to say that I'm feeling quite ashamed of myself for whining about losing a couple followers.
    You & your grandma are in my thoughts & prayers.

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